Work for yourself

Today was my first day of work. Like proper, salary-earning work. And so begins my first little jaunt into adulthood.

Cue Ron's incredibly apt depiction of being very much like "Shiiiiiiiiit dude".

Now this is exciting stuff. This is what my education for the past 4 years has been for. To become an employable and functioning member of society with a certain set of skills that someone needs that they will pay me a decent sum of money to do so that I can carry on living and supporting myself and my future family. Right? 

Dude. Nothing terrifies me more than that thought. Let me explain.

Last week I went for 2 interviews for a job at 2 different companies. For the second interview, I was 5 minutes early and I sat waiting for 20 minutes which I didn't mind because these are things that you learn to live with if you're getting desperate. After introductions and taking our seats I was asked about my education and experience. 

Thereafter I produced my portfolio, being a designer, and began to provide examples of my work. I then discovered that these people were actually looking for someone who would do everything other bloody thing under the sun other than what I applied to do. And I was then told, quite saucily, that I was to provide examples of my writing abilities, among other things. 

And then - sweet baby Jesus - this was said to me: 

"You know, if you're really hungry for something you have to work hard for it." 

This coming from someone who did not take 5 minutes to ask me about myself as a person and not as a potential asset, from someone who had not bothered to ask me about my strengths and weaknesses and from someone who had the audacity to make me wait 15 minutes and then rush me during the interview. I just stared at her. If she had bothered to take the slightest interest in me as a human being she would know that I know aaaaaaall about hard work and being hungry.

On the other hand, the first interview that I went to last week was with the company I now work for - a place that wants intelligent human beings who want to grow, not educated drones who require financial sustenance.

What I'm trying to say is, I view this little jaunt into adulthood as another step in an adventure (of which there are many more) and not as a settling down into a predetermined (dare I say) rut. I know that this is not a unique opinion all my own and I'm not the first noodle to figure this out but I felt it needed saying in light of my recent experience. 

I know that I will be my own boss one day - however that comes about. I had a moment now while typing that where I wanted to say "I know I'll work for myself one day" but I didn't say that because I already do and I think that perfectly sums up my thoughts. 

You need to work for yourself because you want to; because you find it enriching; because it's your dream; because it helps others; because it's your friggen purpose - not because that's what your mom and dad said you had to do.

Kbye
x

PS. Before the De Klerks of the world see this and have a conniption, I know that this is written form a position of privilege where one can afford to contemplate what kind of work they would like to do and to what end. And I am checking that at the door.

"I just have a lot of feelings..."

Having been a design student in my fourth year last year, I had to hand in a massive portfolio at the end of the year. That meant 4 weeks of straight work. From 9AM to 6PM and then from 8PM to the wee hours of the morning. I still shudder at the thought.

At the time I didn't really have the time to think about this year. And whenever I did it made me really anxious for some reason. This frustrated me to no end because I'm not generally an anxious person but change seems to bring that out in me. I went home after the year was done and still didn't really process the fact that I was done with university. I then went overseas for 3 weeks and didn't think about it and when I got back it all just hit me in the face.

I was done with university, I was still unemployed, I would be moving to another city in 3 days and I didn't even have my best friend (AKA my boyfriend) with me to help me take it on. And of course, panic set in. The thing that frustrates me the most about being panicky and anxious is that I know it is so silly and that everything will work out perfectly in the end. And if it doesn't, then I will make a plan. I always do.

Eventually I decided that I needed to let myself be miserable for a bit, let it out, get over it, splash some cold water over my head and get on with life. Because it sure as hell isn't going to stand still for some little hissy fit.

Most of the time our emotions are valid, for whatever reason. If you're feeling anxious about something, it's probably because you are anxious about something. Same goes for being sad or angry. However, we cannot let our lives be put on hold so that we can wallow in our feelings. Not doing anything about the situation you are anxious about is not going to make it go away. It's going to make you feel way worse. It may feel good for a day and half but trust me, if you have any drive at all, you will start feeling very frustrated with yourself.

Life is not fair and it will not stand still for us while we have an existential crisis (although that would be nice - I mean it's the least it could do). Being strong in the face of adversity (and I'm not saying I'm facing adversity right now) is a skill that I hope everyone is able to hone.

A thought I saw on a friend's Facebook wall earlier today: "The sun always rises and is always beautiful." And it is. You have to get up and do the thing everyday otherwise you will miss out on cool things and that will suck.

So I think that ending my posts with a song is fun because what better way to express my feelings (cue Mean Girls feelings quote) than some music?

All praise be to Brendon Urie.

I know it's cheesy. Please deal with it.

Kbye

x