All da feels: 15 of my favourite

Hi, yes, hello, I know, where the hell have I been - WHATEVERRR. I am easily distracted.

Speaking of distraction, I recently watched a video on YouTube by Essie Button (who is amazing, go see) called "15 of my Favourite Feelings" and she got the idea from Hank Green, one half of the YouTube channel, vlogbrothers.

The feelings they're talking about aren't like love or anxiety (no-one's favourite feeling just btw) - we're talking about the feeling of rain on your face or something else similarly corny. I think this is quite fun and quirky as well as being a nice break from ranting and raving about all the shit we don't like. So - yes, you guessed it - here are (in no particular order) 15 of my Favourite Feelings.

Taking a sip of water when I'm thirsty

Sounds obvious (because duh liquids relieve thirst) but I love the feeling of the chill going down my throat and into my tummy as I swallow. I fear that I am alone in this and that whoever reads this is frowning with concern. 

Having my back/neck tickled

Ever since I was little, this has been my best. Whenever I was sick or sad or had strange nightmares, my mom would tickle my back until I fell asleep. Obviously I would try really hard to stay awake so the tickles would last for as long as possible but other times I would pretend to be asleep because I liked that my mom would stay and tickle even after she thought I'd fallen asleep (although she's a really good mom so she probably knew I was faking it). 23 years ripe and I still love having my back tickled, specially by my momma - heehee.

Taking off my bra

Like, does this even need to be said?? I'm concerned though because loads of women complain that their bras hurt them and that taking them off is the sweetest mercy of their day. Can we just please all agree to never let our bras hurt us? If they hurt you, they are either crappy quality, too small, too big or broken. Yes it feels good to take my bra off because the girls don't like to be couped up all the time but don't let your boobie holder hurt you - kay?

Clean sheets

Combine this with freshly shaved legs and you are golden. The smell of fresh laundry as I climb into bed? Yes. Yes please.

Waking up and knowing that I don't have to get up

I am NOT a morning person. Nope. Never have been, never will be (OK, with the exception of Christmas and Easter morning). Waking up without an alarm is so very lovely and then being able to lie in bed and read or roll over and continue sleeping is just... ah, it's just wonderful.

Reading a really good book

The other day I started reading a book and I got about 2 chapters in and I couldn't continue because it was just horrible. 3 years of English Lit at Rhodes has probably ruined basic escapist reading for me. I love reading a book that I'm super amped to come home from work and read or wake up on a Sunday and read. The feeling of desperately wanting to know what happens next is so exciting. The last book I read that had me feeling this way was The Universe versus Alex Woods. I highly recommend this book to anyone. It's brilliant.

Getting my food at a restaurant

Had this experience this morning I went for a late breakfast with the wonderful Hannah and we ordered the most delish French toast with fruit, bacon and yoghurt (look here - how great??). When you see those plates coming and you realise, suddenly, that they're your order and they are in fact going to be placed in front of you... Nomnomnom!

Laughing - for real

Not a fake laugh. A real one from the depths of my belly complete with snorts and all that people in the next building could hear if they listened. This laugh feels best when shared with my friends, my family and my boyfriend - probably because it's a judgement free zone so I just let rip.

Having someone being proud of me or believe in me

When I graduated in April this year it was really cool and all because I got to go up on stage and have my name read out followed by the words "with distinction" which was the culmination of 4 years of very hard work, motivation, some blood, (but mostly) sweat and tears. Then after the whole shindig I met with my family, boyfriend and best friend outside the venue and seeing them beaming at me with one or two wet eyes was a really good feeling. Similarly, having a partner and parents who motivate me and let me know that I am actually capable even when I think I'm not is so inspiring. If they, people that know me so well, have such faith in me then there is no reason I shouldn't have faith in myself.

Spring cleaning (or, actually, the feeling after spring cleaning)

So therapeutic. So nice. Sitting down after crouching in cupboards or over drawers for a couple of hours sorting and organising things knowing that your proverbial shit is now together is wonderful.

Stepping into the sunshine on a crisp morning

Summer and I are not good friends. I tolerate it. I don't enjoy baking in the sun. the kind of sunshine I do like is cold or crisp morning sunshine when I'm feeling a little bit chilly and I step outside to feel the sun warm my skin. So good. Best enjoyed on wet lawn, at the breakfast table or on a back stoep with a warm beverage.

Jamming to a great song

Best enjoyed in a car with said song turned up very loud. This is my latest car jam song.

Catching my partner staring at me

Sometimes when I'm totally engrossed with something and my boyfriend is in the room, I'll look up from whatever I'm doing and catch him looking at me with a dopey expression on his face. Then I get a dopey expression on my face. All the feels!!

(While we're all busy gagging from far too much cheese...) Cuddles

Nuff said.

Accomplishing things

Whether this is just ticking off all of the things from your to do list or doing really big cool things (like getting a degree), getting shit done and sitting down at the end of the day and thinking to yourself "Sweet, I've done it," is pretty cool.

And there they are. I'm probably going to lie in bed before I fall asleep tonight and think of 15 more. Oh well.
What's one of your favourite feelings??
 :)

Treasure Chest

Those that know me well, know that I'm a very sentimental person. I keep wrappers, hand-written notes, ticket stubs and receipts from things like the snacks I bought from a petrol station on the way out of Cape Town at 4AM while witnessing a drunk girl scream at the staff that her boyfriend was, in fact, not her boyfriend.

Let me get to the reason that I do this. 

When I was like 8 or 9 (maybe older) I would wonder why I couldn't remember everything on a day to day basis. For instance, being able to recall any exact moment from the previous week. Not general happenings, but very specific things. Say I would be brushing my hair and think, “OK, next week at this time I am going to remember this exact moment,” and then I would try and clear my mind and stroke my hair with my brush and try to burn that moment into my mind so I would be able to recall it. 

And of course, because this is a ridiculous notion, I wouldn't remember to remember what I said I would and the next week would go by and I’d get all cross with myself the next time I had one of these existential moments and I'd swear to myself I would remember whatever it was this time. What was most frustrating to me was that I could remember seemingly 'bigger' things such as the taste in my mouth when I hit my head on my desk retrieving my rogue pencil. 

As you are now probably well aware, I am slightly obsessed with capturing moments. Moments, whether huge and important or small and comfortably significant, only live for as long as those moments last and then they become memories, destined to exist only in our minds. Memories are extremely fragile little things that are susceptible to the taint of time and can become warped or, worse yet, forgotten when our minds grow dark. I like to make sure that this won't happen to me.

So my wallet is jam packed with random things and bits of paper that each keep a particular memory alive in my mind every time I look at them. I have items of jewellery that serve the same purpose, as well as books, pens, letters, key rings, shoes and even a pair of plastic googly eyes. I don't hoard things by any means, in fact I function in quite the opposite way, but when it comes time to spring clean or clear out old stuff I no longer use or wear, there are things that have survived many a chuck. These are the the little things that help me remember what matters to me: the precious moments.

Work for yourself

Today was my first day of work. Like proper, salary-earning work. And so begins my first little jaunt into adulthood.

Cue Ron's incredibly apt depiction of being very much like "Shiiiiiiiiit dude".

Now this is exciting stuff. This is what my education for the past 4 years has been for. To become an employable and functioning member of society with a certain set of skills that someone needs that they will pay me a decent sum of money to do so that I can carry on living and supporting myself and my future family. Right? 

Dude. Nothing terrifies me more than that thought. Let me explain.

Last week I went for 2 interviews for a job at 2 different companies. For the second interview, I was 5 minutes early and I sat waiting for 20 minutes which I didn't mind because these are things that you learn to live with if you're getting desperate. After introductions and taking our seats I was asked about my education and experience. 

Thereafter I produced my portfolio, being a designer, and began to provide examples of my work. I then discovered that these people were actually looking for someone who would do everything other bloody thing under the sun other than what I applied to do. And I was then told, quite saucily, that I was to provide examples of my writing abilities, among other things. 

And then - sweet baby Jesus - this was said to me: 

"You know, if you're really hungry for something you have to work hard for it." 

This coming from someone who did not take 5 minutes to ask me about myself as a person and not as a potential asset, from someone who had not bothered to ask me about my strengths and weaknesses and from someone who had the audacity to make me wait 15 minutes and then rush me during the interview. I just stared at her. If she had bothered to take the slightest interest in me as a human being she would know that I know aaaaaaall about hard work and being hungry.

On the other hand, the first interview that I went to last week was with the company I now work for - a place that wants intelligent human beings who want to grow, not educated drones who require financial sustenance.

What I'm trying to say is, I view this little jaunt into adulthood as another step in an adventure (of which there are many more) and not as a settling down into a predetermined (dare I say) rut. I know that this is not a unique opinion all my own and I'm not the first noodle to figure this out but I felt it needed saying in light of my recent experience. 

I know that I will be my own boss one day - however that comes about. I had a moment now while typing that where I wanted to say "I know I'll work for myself one day" but I didn't say that because I already do and I think that perfectly sums up my thoughts. 

You need to work for yourself because you want to; because you find it enriching; because it's your dream; because it helps others; because it's your friggen purpose - not because that's what your mom and dad said you had to do.

Kbye
x

PS. Before the De Klerks of the world see this and have a conniption, I know that this is written form a position of privilege where one can afford to contemplate what kind of work they would like to do and to what end. And I am checking that at the door.

And it's Pinterest Monday #1

I like regulars in a blog.

So welcome to my first regular: Pinterest Monday.

What better way to start the beginning of the week (bleh) than with some pretties from the procrastination station that is the world of Pinterest, right? Right. 

I've been busily emailing all and sundry in pursuit of employment for the past week and, lemme just say, it's rough outchea. For realsies. So to stay sane I'm making pretty things on pieces of paper (which will be featured soon) and Pinterest is a great place to find inspiration or ideas. If you ever feel like you need to see pretty things, sign up to Pinterest. You won't be disappointed but you might be sorry. Because addiction.

OK. Enough yapping. Here are the 10 prettiest things I found for you today. :)

Such a cool yet simple vector portrait. Found on iconosquare.com.

Accept your badassery. Found on nakednewsgirl.tumblr.com.

How FRIGGEN gorgeous is this?? I want it on my body. Found on dreslover.tk.

Yep. Yep yep. So much rioting. Found on cheezburger.com.

I love the way that pattern has been used here to indicate shape and
create a 3D effect. Beautiful. Found on observando.net.

This is my sentiment on pigeons. They scare me. Found on happinessisat.blogspot.com.

I have dreams about these shoes. Found on lagarconne.com.

I'm sure I would work out more often if I had these. Found on etsy.com.

Love this quote so much. Go dancing or something. Found on modernhepburn.tumblr.com.

Why so pretty?? Found on etsy.com.

That's all for this week. I hope you enjoy the little things. All the links to the pages are in the captions.

Have a smashing week.

Kbye

x

"I just have a lot of feelings..."

Having been a design student in my fourth year last year, I had to hand in a massive portfolio at the end of the year. That meant 4 weeks of straight work. From 9AM to 6PM and then from 8PM to the wee hours of the morning. I still shudder at the thought.

At the time I didn't really have the time to think about this year. And whenever I did it made me really anxious for some reason. This frustrated me to no end because I'm not generally an anxious person but change seems to bring that out in me. I went home after the year was done and still didn't really process the fact that I was done with university. I then went overseas for 3 weeks and didn't think about it and when I got back it all just hit me in the face.

I was done with university, I was still unemployed, I would be moving to another city in 3 days and I didn't even have my best friend (AKA my boyfriend) with me to help me take it on. And of course, panic set in. The thing that frustrates me the most about being panicky and anxious is that I know it is so silly and that everything will work out perfectly in the end. And if it doesn't, then I will make a plan. I always do.

Eventually I decided that I needed to let myself be miserable for a bit, let it out, get over it, splash some cold water over my head and get on with life. Because it sure as hell isn't going to stand still for some little hissy fit.

Most of the time our emotions are valid, for whatever reason. If you're feeling anxious about something, it's probably because you are anxious about something. Same goes for being sad or angry. However, we cannot let our lives be put on hold so that we can wallow in our feelings. Not doing anything about the situation you are anxious about is not going to make it go away. It's going to make you feel way worse. It may feel good for a day and half but trust me, if you have any drive at all, you will start feeling very frustrated with yourself.

Life is not fair and it will not stand still for us while we have an existential crisis (although that would be nice - I mean it's the least it could do). Being strong in the face of adversity (and I'm not saying I'm facing adversity right now) is a skill that I hope everyone is able to hone.

A thought I saw on a friend's Facebook wall earlier today: "The sun always rises and is always beautiful." And it is. You have to get up and do the thing everyday otherwise you will miss out on cool things and that will suck.

So I think that ending my posts with a song is fun because what better way to express my feelings (cue Mean Girls feelings quote) than some music?

All praise be to Brendon Urie.

I know it's cheesy. Please deal with it.

Kbye

x

Let me come home

This is the start of a new blog. I won't tell you how many I've started and left to die because then you won't read this one. But this one has had a lot of thought put into it before starting it. And I'm also not a teenager blogging about my "prahblems" anymore. So it might just work out.

I don't like first posts. They're always a little awkward and cheesy so instead I'm going to start this blog off with some thoughts I've been having recently about the concept of home.

I've only moved once in my life: I was 13 and my family and I moved from Johannesburg to a little town in the Eastern Cape (very traums!). This isn't counting the time in April last year when we moved to the farm that my parents now live on. That didn't feel like a move for me because I was living in Grahamstown where I went to university anyway.

I digress.

My family has never been uprooted many times in my life to move from place to place or anything like that but my loved ones are scattered all over the country and the world. Which brings me to my ideas about home.

I no longer visualise home as a place. It isn't the rough-plastered walls of the home I grew up in in Benoni, or the house with the high-ceilings in Somerset East and it isn't the small farmhouse from which I type this post.

I am "at home" whenever I'm with my parents or my brother. When I am with my boyfriend or his family I am "at home" and the same goes for when I'm with friends whether at university or elsewhere. For the past 3 weeks home has been a small flat in Hannover, Germany where my boyfriend has been staying for the past 4 months. As of Friday my home will be his family's house in Port Elizabeth.

Home is not a place and it is does not have one meaning. It will always have many meanings. I remember saying to someone, after leaving (one) home to go back to university for the semester, that it felt like my heart was broken in the nicest way. While I was sad to leave my parents and brother, I was so thrilled to go back to university, another home. I said then that my heart was scattered all over the country and it still is. I'd actually like to correct myself and say all over the world. Which is sad but really awesome at the same time because I have even more homes to be a part of! How great??

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros sing that "home is wherever I'm with you" and it pretty much sums up everything I've blabbered on about above. So I'll just leave you with the song in case you scrolled straight past said blabber.

Kbye
x